THE LOST BOY SCOUTS

On The Little Hours of Monday, the forlorn apparition of Star Scout Romeo Rallos wrapped the orphaned dental tools of Star Scout Wilfredo Santiago in a mosquito net from the B Hotel where delegates to the Annual Review of Year 5 retreated in cold rooms with the scent of special empanada, miki, bagnet and Ombu Kusina's prawn tempura coated with salted egg clinging to their skins.

Although the Venerable Mother Ignacia del Espiritu Santo luco was not on board Flight 869, Contingent Scoutmaster Dr. Bonifacio Lazcano assigned Assistant Scoutmaster Librado Fernandez as her eternal purser with instructions to ensure that only Senior Scout Pathfinder Henry Chuatoco's igado and dinakdakan is served for the in-flight meal to comfort Air Scout Observer Gabriel Borromeo whose bass guitar is playing a non-stop lamentation of Ihaw Balot Plaza's miniature crispy tawilis. 

It was Moe who handed the guitar from Hong Kong to First Class Scouts Antonio Limbaga and Benecio Tobias to exorcise the disappointment of a cancelled priesthood and non-enrolment at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology that not even a delicate grilled ensaymada and a combo of sisig, lechong kawali and lumpiang shanghai from Inyong's Grill can compensate.

The 11th World Scout Jamboree is a nightmare and The Law According to Lidia Poet is to offer a dinner of leftover sinuglaw, crispy pata and kare-kare at the Hidn Lounge for the 24 who perished while being serenaded by an angelic voice that carried a cacophonous choir through a boisterous night of fried chicken and kropek at the Music Match Family KTV.

I am a spiritual Pathfinder once but I missed the bus to Santiago by 11 minutes so Arthur have to pick me in Baloc for a lunch of Pare Eboy's dinuguan and Sir Marlon's tinungkoy na bibe because Pare Amor is on chemo and I hope the asshole gets lost in Bohol and never come back... 

The Secret Diary of a NOBODY

FEBRUARY 13: Hutch won the lotto grand prize and bought three adjacent lots in Bakal 2 where he built three imaginary houses to fill The Space Between virtual meetings.

FEAST DAY OF STs. CYRIL AND METHODIUS: She called from Narvik in Palayan City to ask if the pinakbet sauce is as red as her bearded clam and the credit card bill that must be paid before a fictional holiday from Sapporo to Kyoto for the Holy Week. 

FEBRUARY 15: Crispy isaw was served at Kanto Grill where The Outfit joined a virtual meeting in Europe and Asia to decide who to coerce to sit in the West, for the moment.   

FEBRUARY 16: Barbecued pork bridged the weekend between Bangkok and Vientiane but the verdict on the asshole's 42 Days of Darkness remains as vague as a third phase and an imaginary birthday train from Busan.

FEAST DAY OF THE SEVEN HOLY FOUNDERS OF THE SERVITE ORDER: Three contemptuous humans with An Unfinished Life were devoured in a feast of adobo and kinilaw na kambing, kare-kare and nilagang mani.

FEBRUARY 18: Yan-Yan is a Promising Young Woman but Camille's lip service almost derailed the closing speech in Palayan City where a made up vacation in Taipei was described as the lechon that never reached Tables 27 and 41 until the night cap in Mapangpang.     

FEBRUARY 19: The Phantom Biker survived the Zulu because the 5-day battle with them actually happened in the bike trails of Munoz where the ricefields smelled like crispy fried tinapa that tasted like pinapaitang baka and plated as a paksiw na malaga. 

WEEK 2 IN 3 ACTS

ACT 1: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Synopsis: The Snakeman leaked The Secrets of Dumbledore on freshly sliced tuna and salmon sashimi, was judged guilty of The Crimes of Grindelwald including the failure of ensuring that dried nuts and fruits are in the charcuterie board, and was therefore cropped.   

Shasuh: The beasts were hidden in Infiesto by Sargento Ramos. He is the Snakeman and one or four of them can be him.   

El Demonio: As prophecied by the legend of Shahmaran, the Snakeman can take many forms but it will shed its skin someday to reveal his true self. 

ACT 2: She who must not be named

Synopsis: The MILF of Bakal 2 reemerged as  a slice of pan-fried liempo suffocating the pinangat na tilapia hatched from an orange egg that was incubated in black undies worn by Women at War.   

Marguerite, disdainfully: The holiest  turned out to the horniest.

Mother Agnes, sneering: Men prefer the mystery of the habit from a whore's soiled lingerie. 

Caroline, regretfully: She was the star of the wake, the lady in black with the aquiline nose. 

Suzzane, somberly: The lucky numbers are 18-19. 

Act 3: The mouth that sucked a thousand dicks

Synopsis: The Phantom Biker regretted she can not see him on Friday to exorcise the haunting of the Fantastic Beast/s and hoped that the kubrador is as doable as told by those who came to sing with the Last Night Band.  

Philomena Cunk on Earth aka The Mouth: It could have been 7 days at the trails have not been for a funeral and a sudden trip to avoid the traffic at Valdefuente.  

DISPATCH FROM BANGLI AND SEMINYAK

BANGLI, Bali, IDN --- Feb. 1, 2023

After a 4-hour delay attributed to a "mistake", the three competing teams from Australia, The Netherlands and the Philippines were finally brought together at the Tegalalang Rice Terraces for the much anticipated Bali Countryside Cycling Tour, and offered bowls of black rice pudding as an apology. 

Team Philippines was transported to the rendezvous by a Muslim Grab driver who hated the Chinese but love diamonds and from there, Katok drove them to the starting line in a village temple where the Phantom Biker was presented with the traditional yellow helmet of the race leader to wear in recognition of the mileage he accumulated in 2022 while chasing for The Matrix.

The first stage concluded at the bamboo forest where the Phantom Biker's mate and her escort got lost before the first checkpoint so the bikes were parked on the road shoulder for them to see and get back into the tour.

At the Penglipuran Village, the Phantom Biker was welcomed with a red sarong and The Matrix Reloaded at the gates of heaven while Team Australia was forced to render a traditional Balinese dance and Team Netherlands cajoled into tasting their first durian ever.    

The tour's second stage went into high gear through narrow pathways along deep crevices and ricefields, double braking through fast downhills that were punctuated with two water breaks, several traffic stops and pockets of waving Balinese fans until the unexpected finish line where all were declared winners and feted in Ubud with a late lunch of nasi putih, mie goreng, sate ayam, fried tempe, chicken balls soup and an apology from the tour organizer's wife for dessert. 

In the ensuing press conference at Seminyak Beach, The Phantom Biker revealed that The Matrix Revolutions actually occured at the studios of the Courtyard Bali Seminyak Resort that smelled like sate ayam from the kitchen of Warung Saya which actually is the hocrux of the sate babi for fat, chicken with Balinese sauce for protein, nasi goreng ayam for fuel and three brews of Kura-Kura pale ale that Bintang Elephant Mina Warung prepared for Team Philippines.

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SEMINYAK, Bali, IND --- Jan 31, 2023

There were last minute requests for early check outs, airport transfers, a missed connection and a cancelled flight but the ASEAN Working Group finally convened in-person after two tears of virtual meetings, the embodiment of The Matrix Resurrections from 6 ASEAN member states and 5 regional programs through a workshop galore at the Pool Bar where the Phantom Biker broke three bottles of Singaraja Pilsner. 

Two days before, the Phantom Biker intentionally left his passport at Ngurah Rai International Airport to prove if he is indeed the Top Gun, the Maverick from Bakal 2 who missed four flights and have been stranded once so far.

Two days after, the story of the recovered passport was retold in Munoz to perk up an anemic samgyeopsal at Kakabsat where the Phamtom Biker also announce his intention to reunite with his mistahs at the Lodge in Baloc.  

  

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