THE SAI OUA INCIDENT

"Sai ua or sai oua?" was The Moderator's topic for Panel 4.

The Thai lady who sold grilled meat near the Asoke Station in Bangkok argued for the former and Chiang Mai sausage. 

A stall at the "night market with food" along Vientiane's Rue Hengboun was for neither and offered spicy sai kok instead.

The kitchen of the Tamnak Lao Restaurant vetted for the latter and authentic Luang Prabang sausage.

The next day, Discussion Group 4 was convened by The Facilitator at Lan Xang 1 of the Crowne Plaza to find Vin's sai oua stall.

PHILIPPINES: Our delegation was advised it should be in front of SNACK & CHILL a block from the forex kiosk near the Lao National Cultural Hall. 

VIETNAM: Tuesday's grilled fish at the Mekong Night Market was an excellent fallback but our delegation wishes to clarify that the two ladies in the next table are from another party.

LAOS: We don't have information if it is still operating or it was just too early but we hope you enjoyed Wednesday's braised river eel and spicy beef as options. 

THAILAND: We have no intervention at this point except to clarify that Yaowarat is our Chinatown, commend the Lao bands who sang Thai songs and note that the fried frog is just okey.  

Sai oua is as ancient as the Kingdom of the Million Elephants and the White Parasol.

It could have fed the workers whom King Setthathirath tasked to build Pha That Luang when he moved from Luang Prabang to Vientiane in 1566.  

The then 37-years old king who was murdered in 1571 is the guardian of Pha That Luang's main entrance until today.  

'

I was so desperate to find what is reportedly one of Vientiane's two best sai ouas that I accepted a beer drinking challenge from a lady who called herself Nar.

I lost 400,000 kip and she left without telling me where.

The sausage served at Tummour on Friday felt like the texture of a wet rag worn by use, rough and raspy as a November Rain and the shuttered door of the Khambang Lao Food Restaurant.      

I lost another 800,000 kip without knowing where.

But perseverance matters.

One humid afternoon, Google Maps finally got it right and led me to Ban Haysoke after a 1-kilometer walk from internet-less Somerset, to one of the best sai ouas in Vientiane, a place I've passed by at least twice in the past.

I somehow sense then that it is the place.

And thus was how the Sai Oua Incident was moderated, facilitated and concluded...

BIYAK 2

I am the rockstar of food crawls and train trips, a direct descendant of the Witcher 2 who searched the bike trails of Munoz for The Lost City of Machu Picchu from Monday until Thursday.

But the city was gone forever so we covertly took off from Bakal 2 in the early hours of Friday with two sacks of rice and three luggages for the train from Quezon Avenue to Boni and from there, found a phone in the car seat during our Grab ride to Hop Inn-Makati where the taxi that picked us made a wrong turn before finding our way to the ancient treasures of the Ayala Museum and a close up audience with Juan Luna who can only utter "Hymen, oh Hymenee" upon seeing us. 

But no, Barbecue Showdown 2 will not be at Japan Town because Ramen Nagi and the sui gyoza is served with soup, the chicken karage and pork tonkatsu must be fried, and the Sesame Q should be fresh, unlike in Poblacion where Hott Asia had the meat burned and the beer chilled.

We had a meeting with Atty. Rowena Ramos the next day who opined that our pricey coffee and ham sandwich breakfast at the Salcedo Saturday Market is not An Affair to Forget, neither is our Quezon Avenue-Quezon Avenue train experience via Taft, Central Station, Carriedo, Roosevelt and North Avenue.

The same applies for the electric bike ride to Binondo from the National Museum of Anthropology where the Ciencia Gallery is currently on display, the late lunch of Ang Tunay Beef House's pancit canton and lechong kawali in lieu of the long line at the Toho Panciteria Antigua, and a bus carousel experience to Trinoma.  

With that, we've got to stay at the Luxent Hotel that is many times more luxurious than Hop Inn and we've got Home Service although no one responded to our request for assistance in using the TV remote so Balong worked the gym instead to disturb the Stillwater of the Vertigo Roof Deck Pool while wrestling with a giant platter of beef tacos.  

Finally, the igado, lechon cebu and pinapaitang kambing beckoned from the food stalls of the SIDCOR Monday Market before we parted ways: me to to NAIA Terminal 1, Nanay and Balong to the Five Star bus station, and Bulan to his shared room at Pioneer Woodlands.

Almost 8 hours later, PR 736 touched down at the Suvarnabhumi International Airport for another train ride to Phaya Thai and Asoke.

Ganyan namin biniyak ang nagdaang linggo --- probinsiya at lungsod, Hop Inn at Luxent, Salcedo at SIDCOR, Manila at Bangkok ayon sa talambuhay ng magkapatid na Samantha at Violet.

HUGOT 2

This week is all about Food Tales but not about Singapore's GastroBeats.

Monday's adobong bibe smelled like a freshly bathed MILF while Tuesday's sinampalukang native na manok tasted of her sweat.

There was also the Unknown but not The Lost Pyramid of Huni. 

Wednesday's ginataang pangat na hito was an Extraction 2 from the previous day, and the sisig that followed on Friday was for the AFAM who is not.

I am a Roadrunner on two wheels and not A Film About Anthony Bourdain.

Six days on Disney+'s magic bike eluded the rains, enough to see Ancient China from Above and decode the Secrets of Christ's Tomb.

I am Chasing the Equinox but not those gone forever.

The Lost Tomb of Alexander the Great was among the Lost Treasures of the Maya in the Lost Temple of the Inca.

Malutong ang chicharon n'ung linggo na premyo sana nina Azi Acosta at Tina sa liga ng basketball sa Palayan kung hindi naligaw ang Bugaw sa Sitio Diablo!

BALER

The waves of Sabang Beach were muted and the guitarman at Taste Budzz mimed his music as Petite J made a man out of the boy from Bakal 2 in the early hours of Sunday.      

This after a 20-year-old meat was auctioned in Baler for P3,000 which is cheap compared to the P3,890 price of Johnny's un-aged porterhouse steak with black peppercorn sauce that came with free baked mussels from Music 21 Plaza's videoke package. 

Baler is indeed The Last Paradiso and Central Luzon's seafood capital although the sizzling tuna have to be sourced from Ihaw Balot Plaza, and it tasted like Cali Pizza instead of Andok's litson baka.

Baler is 268 kilometers away from The B Hotel's stuffy gym, its 3rd floor pool, and The Village of malls in Makati where the chagrin  of being late for the open hours of the Ayala Museum was soothed by a bowl of Ramen Nagi's spicy Butao King at the top floor of Glorietta 4.

It was Saturday at 4:30 am, the gaminess of Myka's adobong kambing and the sweetness of Supersam's Basque burnt cheesecake still lingering in our tongues when we embarked on a 6-hour JoyBus trip from Cubao to Baler where the sea tasted like the broth of Yolly's sinigang na ulo ng malasugue and dessert is ginataang pugita from Suklayin. 

I only had three biking days then two sleepless nights in a row but at least, Room 306 of Playa Azul Baler is complimentary, I chugged unlimited free beer and brandy, and I hope that someone did  use the condom from Bangkok. 

No Hard Feelings at all pero may naganap nga bang Himala sa Baler?  

THE APPENDIX

No, it's not simulated reality.

A fever broke through the guardians of the Black Knight to infiltrate connective tissues and inflame a small thin pouch that once repelled the invasion of microbes.

That blew off P189,966.02 not including the bus and taxi fares to 163 Epifanio de los Santos Avenue and two nights at Frederick's Apartelle; meals at Lydia's Lechon, Hot Kitchen, Cafe France, Wendy's and Kenny Rogers; two Angkas rides, a Grab trip and the cost of going home to Bakal 2.  

It was almost The Year I Started Masturbating said him, in the days of Us x Her who sat on a porn comics in Almaguer many years before then Miss Girl Friday popped his cherry at a decrepit hotel in San Jose, and many more years prior to a laparoscopy harvest of bile stones in Cabanatuan.

But at the end of the day, the world is more than the blue nurse's uniforms and the bright hospital lights but a Kaleidoscope of adobong bibe and kinilaw na tanigue one Saturday afternoon in Baloc, a few hours before the cycling/motorbiking diplomat dropped by for a beer.

There are Lust Stories to tell in the Summary Statement of Account from the masked lady behind the billing counter but right now, I can only recall a credit note of P146,785.83 on top of P8,000.00 for an assisting doctor and a P35,180.19 credit card payment.    

Tayuan ang pag-ahon sa mga akyatin at madalas sa kanan at walang Kaliwaan ang tatlong araw na pagpadyak sa mga ala-ala ng pinakamahusay na labi sa balat ng lupa, ang malanding kapitbahay, ang mga kinain at ang mga muntikan nang malagasan ng bulbol.