sCALPed

As the pandemic surged to the The End of the F***ing World, Akira teleported to Yorkshire to assist Scotland Yard in Catching Killers including The Fable and The Killer Whos Does Not Kill.   

There, he became Akio who groped Alyssa's tits in the beach while in Osaka, a double blowjob from Yoko Sato and Bonnie made James come in 6 seconds flat.   

And Oh, Ramona! Laura McAllan is the MILF in Bakal 2 who would soon fuck her cousin-in-law from Brasov as she-who-must-not-be-named transformed from Anemona into Mudbound Carla.  

In the ensuing Cook Off, Anesu offered sadza for the Men in Apron of Baloc to compliment a Harare-inspired menu of  T+F's pizza, salami, samgyeopsal, daing na bangus and reheated siomai.  

Thus is explained why salt rained in Pandacan to season Aguy's recipe of Pan de Salawal which sustained the Phantom Biker in 6 mornings of errands and adventure in the bike trails of Marietta.  

DAYS 603 TO 609

It took 1,001 nights to conceive The Beast of Bastille in the streets of Marseille whose memoir was narrated by Sheherazade in 1,000 stories that included seven episodes of The Women and the Murderer from the parking lots and apartments of Paris until Guy Georges was served the Red Notice in Monmartre by The Bishops and Madame le Prefet to abort a heist in The Louvre where Cleopatra bequeathed three bejewelled eggs from Massimo Bossetti of Brembati de Sopra as atonement for the death of Yara Gambirasio and to commemorate the resurrection of the Order of the Amaranth in Baloc.  

Maison Centrale Ensisheim is The Cabin in the Woods in Midtown Manhattan that is protected by the Guardians of the Wind from The Kitchen mafia and their 81 snakes whose mission is to expose Guy, Massimo and Kim Je-seok as one and the same Svaha with The Sixth Finger, a known connoisseur of The Whore's tits, The Virgin in her unforgettable panty scene, sluts like Claire Walsh, the scent of a freshly bathed MILF from Bakal 2, and sinful dinakdakan and crispy pata on Tuesday nights.  

As COP 26 concluded in Glasgow, The Phantom Biker wondered how haggis with curry sauce and stone crab claws from Miami tasted as he roamed the trails of Nueva Ecija and snacked on sandwiches with The Fabulous Filipino Brothers of Pittsburg after Insan Paner's interment, the frustration with Philam's Vitality app blunted with Friday's bland tokwa't baboy, the sweetness of Saturday's kalamay, and the surprising umami of tilapiang pinangat sa gata and niluyaang adobong manok...   

FUNERALS

They all returned to dust in November --- Ramon Arellano Felix was killed in a gunfight and inurned in Tijuana, El Senor de Los Cielos was interred at the Jardines del Humaya in Culiacan after a botched plastic surgery, Popeye died from a ricochet and returned to Logan Heights, Jakiri succumbed to Covid-19 and was entombed at St. Margareth Memorial Park, The Outcast was felled by aneurysm and buried at the Franciscan Memorial Garden, the Narcos series concluding in La Voz as reported by Andrea Nunez for Season 3. 

In Small Heath, the ghost of the Sicilian Mafia from New York City roused the Irish, the Scots, the Chinese, the Jews and the gypsies who fell from the murderous rampage of The Honorable Thomas Shelby to curse the Peaky Blinders with the betrayal of Michael Gray and the Wall Street Crash, the haunting of Grace permeating Seasons 4-5 to plague Dr. Audrey Lim with PTSD from too much sex, Irish whiskey,  Sweet Aftons and 5 sleepless nights in Bakal 2.   

Lea and Shaun holed up at the Coronel Memorial Chapel for their daughter's wake and were feted by the Munoz Bodies with a Grey Goose Vodka and baby back ribs, by the Amaranths with Alfonso Brandy and crispy pata, by the Blue Lodge with cold beer and dinakdakan; Season 4 ending with a panty garter tug from The Good Doctor while the MILF from Bakal 2 wrapped up Episodes 11-20 with imagined hard nipples protruding through a black satin tank top.     

Through it all, The Phantom Biker rode across the bike trails of Nueva Ecija fueled by a strength potion Found in parts by Lily at the Cathedral of Our Lady of Perpetual Help in Oklahoma City, by Chloe at Temple Beth Israel in Phoenix, and by Sadie at the Cornerstone Church in Nashville that was enough to power him, Bulan and Balong for a Sunday walk through the orphanages of Guangdong.

THE WEEK BEFORE THE LAB TESTS

Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight II specially if there are lumpy Polish monsters roaming in the woods because the sequel sucks like Thursday nights being upended by CALP 12.

I do Always like happy endings and rooted for the once blind telemarketer and limping ex-boxer while hoping that Balong's four university applications will end up well. 

Elsewhere, the pandemic finally caught up with the San Jose St. Bonaventure Hospital in Season 4 and I pray to the The Good Doctor that the phlegm is just from an allergy. 

In locked down Baguio, A Girl and a Guy fucked everyone else except each other and an MILF in Bakal 2 who announced Alert Level 2 clad in an almost bra and panty, and a towel wrap.

The pestilence also cancelled November 6 and downgraded Friday to leftover brandy and whiskey and a reheated tokwa't baboy, unlubricated like a Dry Martina in Chile.  

On All Saints Day, the last of the Army of Thieves presented themselves and by Saturday, two bottles of Johnny Walker Black reduced them to three --- Rheingold, Valkyrie and Siegfried, all of Cabanatuan City.

But only horses are used in Birmingham so The Phantom Biker taught the Peaky Blinders to ride a bike from The Garrison to London's Eden Club to the Arrow House in Warwickshire. 

Then death came masked like a red-faced thief on Sunday afternoon that took away the birthday chicken and pledges of pork spare ribs, dinakdakan and adobong bibe...  

THE 4th SWAB

In her House of Secrets with many rooms, Wako is the Queen of Blowjobs to whom Yumeaki owed a daring fellatio in the confines of a private karaoke room, his Love and Fortune were such that he got sucked again at a Tokyo hotel room in lieu of an unexpected menstruation before Wako opened her cougar legs to receive his pubescent desire on top of a table in an ancient cinema's projector room where imprints of an intense missionary, a shy cowgirl and an erotic doggie from her roomless apartment were beamed into a faded silver screen.   

It was however the thumbing of Jennifer that instigated Lalit in performing the Ritual of the Banyan Tree to liberate Thibault from the Friendzone of Rue Poulbot by offering 11 servings of menudo in Bakal 2, 11 pieces of chicken adobo in Matingkis, 11 rambutan fruits at the Looban, and 11 strands of pansit bihon in Bantug in remembrance of The Burari Deaths in Delhi. 

We are Stuck Together in Bakal 2 as Benny the Chauffeur and Blaire the Vampire sunk their Night Teeth into each other at 8 Rue de l'Humanité while in Boyles Height, Marianne & Leonard's Words of Love ushered the arrival of the last renewed passport, the first two national IDs, and the final Pfizer jab from Hydra, negative antigen tests finally enabling the Men in Aprons to convene in Baloc.

On an early Saturday morning, a young cyclist lie dead or dying in the middle of a busy highway, a casualty of The Forgotten Battle between bicycles and motorized vehicles, the former triumphant only in Zeeland through the offensive of The Liberator who instigated the Battle of Walcheren Causeway to divert the Nazis from the campaign of Teuntje Visser and The Phantom Biker to retake Anzio, Aschaffenburg, Dachau and the trails of Nueva Ecija.