THE MYSTERY OF MARILYN MONROE and HOW IT ENDS

She overdosed on barbiturates.

The mystery is why Attorney General Robert Kennedy and the FBI covered up her death as narrated in The Unheard Tapes that Atty. Will Younger played for the Thursday Group during a Tuesday dinner of tokwa't baboy in Bakal 2 while Seattle and the West Coast were being vaporized by a giga-volcanic eruption and the conclusion of a disappointing election in the Philippines. 

Ruth was in fact a redneck Marilyn Monroe but she was shot in Ozark by Wendy who wants to remain as Louise Harrington, the MILF of Morningside Heights once known as Marta Cabrera of Bakal 2 in her younger years, she who took the Knives Out to prepare french fries for Wednesday night after Bulan boarded the bus to Sampaloc.

Many years ago in Midway, Lieutenant Commander Edwin Layton's intelligence network has foreseen that Marilyn Monroe will die in Brentwood on the 4th day of August 1962, almost 60 years before the Phantom Biker was feted with a plaque of appreciation served in a steak dinner and a charcuterie board stuffed inside a bottle of Hennessy Cognac, right after the Mayor-elect of Talavera promised to one day visit D' HANKS of Bakal 2. 

But the hard truth is a Jaguar owned by the Butcher of Mauthasen escaped from Isabel Garrido's care and mauled Marilyn Monroe just as the Raffle Masters drew the lucky winner of a 39-inch Hanabishi digital smart TV that will adorn the master's bedroom in Bakal 2.   

After 4 days of exorcising BBM's election in the bike trails of Munoz, the Phantom Biker was told to Better Call Saul instead and ask Slippin' Jimmy McGill the ex-con lawyer to file a motion to reopen the Marily Monroe case, tap his ex-cop friend Mike Ehrmantraut to gather new evidence, and perhaps remake Kim Wexler who is also a blonde as the Marilyn Monroe of HHM and Season 1.

BEFORE THE LIQUOR WAS BANNED

Six days before prohibition was imposed in Bakal 2, Lady Mary began accepting suitors in Season 4 including the second footman who through his superb interpretation of the dinakdakan in the kitchen of Downtown Abbey was elevated into the status of a sous chef for the Thursday Group meetings on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday. 

Meanwhile, the servants dined on inihaw na bangus and reheated leftover pinapaitan on Thursday and Friday while Pugad Baboy celebated Bulan's homecoming with a decadent late lunch of scampi pasta, garlic parmesan chicken wings, savory fries and a huge combo pizza that is better suited for Marigold's coming out in Season 5.

But in the end, what got listed in the Michelin Guide is a Sunday luncheon of kinilaw na tuna and grilled pork smothered with buro and wrapped in mustasa leaves that in Season 6 was in the menu of Mrs. Patmore's bed and breakfast which is just opposite the first shop of Talbot and Branson Motors.

All kinds of liquor were banned by Sunday after 5 solo forays in the bike trails of Munoz and 6 consecutive Red Horse-infused nights in Bakal 2 where it was decided that Messrs. Gaboy and Castro will be in the ballot along with the Lady in Pink, the Gentleman from Nueva Ecija, 6 senatoriables, and all those associated with the Craft.  

19 IN THE TIME OF THE EDSA PROVINCIAL BUS BAN

To celebrate the occasion of Balong's 19 birthday, Lord Grantham of Downtown Abbey was kind enough to lend his chauffeur to Pugad Baboy for their trip to Cubao via Baliwag along with his butler who initiated the celebrant into the pleasures of the Mojito, Evita, Smoked Rum Coke and Tanglad Cocktail that were mixed by the first footman in the hallowed grounds of Cubao Expo; and Sex on the Beach, Tequila Sunrise and Cheesy Beer as brewed by the second footman from the village of Tomas Morato Avenue that were enough to drown the sorrows of Solicitor Matthew Crawley and Lady Mary Grantham in Season 1.  

Of course, the drinks came with a meal of fully loaded nachos, spiced cheese penne, tacos and patatas pritas from Mrs. Patmore of the INT.Bar as well as imitation lechon that the assistant cook drenched with buro and wrapped in mustasa leaves from the larder of the Habanero Kitchen Bar where Pugad Baboy took off to join the servants at the Araneta Times Square Food Park for a simple supper of crispy crablets, fish cake and tteokbokki.  

There was however only one proper dinner over the three nights at HOPP INN Hotel and that was to celebrate Balong's birthday with a spread of beef nachos and quesadilla from the Silantro Fil-Mex Cantina, a disappointing kebab platter from Babaghanoosh and a blueberry cheesecake dessert from Starbucks where the streets of Kapitolyo emptied into the Capitol Commons. 

The first born of Downtown Abbey did became Lady Mary Crawley in Season 2 as a lovestruck valet and head housemaid met at Tropical Hut to plan the breakfast menu which started with Vigan longganisa, roast beef pares, a pancake platter and breaded porkchop at Kanto Boy Freestyle on Friday; what turned out to be a brunch of xiao long bao, hakaw, chicken feet, pork and shrimp siomai, beef tendon claypot rice and congee at the Great Buddha Cafe on Saturday; and concluded with Bicol express, lechon Cebu, igado and empanada at the SIDCOR Sunday Market where Lady Sybil Crawley announced her engagement with their chauffeur and the resumption of regular bus trips from Cubao to San Jose City.

But it was too late for the future Earl of Grantham who have to die in a car crash after being endowed with a substantial inheritance by his ex's father and having his heir born in Season 3, which threw Downtown Abbey into mourning so dark that Pugad Baboy can only manage one stand-up luncheon of hotdogs and fried chicken wings at a Swedish Bistro after turning away from a 2.5-hour waiting time for a table at the Swedish Restaurant where the gay head valet manage to pilfer a cup of Swedish meatballs for Balong. 

The Phantom Biker had only three days in the trails, supped on roasted pork ribs and bihon guisado with the Mistahs on Monday, tokwa't baboy and inihaw na bangus with the Thursday Group on Tuesday and sisig with the Tuesday Group on Wednesday but the buses are finally back and that is what matters after Balong's birthday trip and three wonderful nights in Kapitolyo, Cubao and Morato.