THE BOATMAN'S TALE

The week's adventure kicked off in the The Mekong River with Sue Perkins, at Cai Rang in the Mekong Delta where the Noodle Queen prepared a breakfast of bun cha before a 377-kilometer upstream trek to Cambodia through basket boats that transformed into dragon boats in Tonle Sap and a dinner of pizza, lasagna and nachos from Maligaya before continuing to Si Phan Don where a slow boat pulled through the steep canyons of Yunnan to the Negyama Monastery and friends from London with a welcome feast of dinakdakan, adobong bibe and kalderetang kambing.  

Coronaphobia was temporarily deflected by the comfort of light brandy and cold beer as the Hogwarts boats teleported to the North Frisian Islands of the North Sea, to Black Island where Jonas was seduced by his aunt with a blowjob, a doggie and a cougar-on-top, to A Faraway Land in the Faroe Islands where Mahjoy undressed to cure Nico's Covid symptoms with an illicit one night stand, to The House of Phoenix in Singapore where the Last Madame and Inspector Mak entertained patrons with ginataang alimango and fried tilapia from BPRE while narrating the love story of Chi Ling and Harry.

From there, a felucca arrived from Morocco where Love in Times of War is the trend to exradite Pilar, Julia and Magdalena for their accountabilities in the complicated love affairs of Melilla where The Phantom Biker was boarded in a jabega for Malaga as an MILF with boobs to die for passed by while a dinner of kilawing tuna and tokwa't baboy was being served in Bakal 2, the crossing just in time to catch the fast men in Santa Cruz de Bezana and Monforte de Lemos, the climbers in Lagos de Covadonga and Altu d'el Gamoniteiru, the punchers in Mos to reclaim the long Sunday morning walks in Munoz and join those who raced against the clock in Santiago de Compostela.

SLEEPLESS IN BAKAL II

The virus came and stole the night as it went despite the assurance of a second dose that was initially compromised by hypertension and IATF rules, the imminent rejection unexpectedly reversed by The Good Doctor whom Dr. Carly Lever allowed to touch her breast in Season 3, the nocturnal restlessness persisting when another Good Doctor failed to touch Dr. Cha Yoon-seo's chest in Episodes 16-20 because Kotaro Lives Alone in Shimizu where Shin can touch Mizumi's bust only through his manga drawings.

Yet still, Tuesday's beer, tokwa't baboy, menudo and inihaw na bangus failed to reel in slumber and neither did the tiim na bibe of an alcohol-free Wednesday as prohibition cancelled a special performance of the Sweet Girl from Pittsburg for the Thursday Group whom the pandemic has reduced to a duo.

Beckett fled to Spain after being scammed by the Greek police and the US Embassy in Athens, punching his way through the inclines of Rincon de la Victoria and Valdepenas de Jaen, sprinting with the fast men in Cordoba and Villanueva de la Serena, climbing to Pico Villuercas and El Barraco while in Bakal 2, The Phantom Biker reintroduced Bulan to the trails, their weekly tour abbreviated by a 2nd jab of AstraZeneca and an unexpected morning shower, the week that was concluding with pangat na tilapia and the musky smell of black panties etched in a canvass of orange lace. 

LIBERATION

The Bonfire of Destiny raged untended as the battle of the Vuelta's fast men shifted from Burgos and Albacete to Molina de Aragon and La Manga del Mal Menor before the climbers were unleashed in the slopes of Picon Blanco and Balcon di Alicante, the maillot rojo changing hands in Alto de Cullera and staying put in Alto de Velefique as the virus was excised through C-section in Season 2 by The Good Doctor in his first ever surgery with a Good Doctor from Seoul assisting in Episodes 11-15 who also castrated Dr. Jackson Han's ego and Dr. Kim Do-han's temper in the process. 

Vuelta 2021 will skip upscale Madrid for the sake of Valeria's Castilianized Season 2 of "Sex and the City" with special appearances from the plucky women of Paris, Adrienne de Lenverpre and Alice de Jeansin of the French gentry with Rose Riviere representing the commoners, Val's pink nipples salved with a celebratory feast of gising-gising, tokwa't baboy, calamares and crispy pata in Bakal 2 to mark the end of quarantine.  

The Phantom Biker is free and the biking trails are his again, the Thursday Specials resurrected with an instant dinakdakan and an evening shower that stirred the hard teats of a pneumatic breast to press through a black dress that cracked open a downpour on Saturday night...