CARDINAL PUFF

Puff the Magic Dragon hunted the evil cardinals in the lost cities of pharaohs who were buried with mummified grilled squid, sisig, barbecued chicken ass and halo-halo as prophesied in the menu of Ihaw Balot Plaza and Chowking the night Sid came to Manila.  

Of course, drinking for the health of the Cardinal Puff is the lost gospel of PRRM, a ritual as mysterious as unraveling tainted blood and urine for The Empress with beautiful breasts and ugly underarm who epitomized Blood, Sex & Royalty as expressed in semblances of sinaing and callos from the kitchens of Bakal 2.

Then the fever broke after a fellowship of menudo and kilayin with the Knights Templar to push David Foster Off the Record while producing and arranging The Noel Diary of The Swimmers who planned to Return to Christmas Creek with Father Stu but the Phantom Biker can only muster 3 days in the trail...

LUGAW (atbp) DAYS

The Fate of The Winx Saga's second season Manifest as two tall glasses of Cuba libre and pina colada adorning The Crown of Jeffrey Dahmer-Monster who feted 5 apron-less Craftsmen with trays of dinakdakan and inihaw na bangus from Room 213 on Tuesday night. 

The MILF of Bakal 2 emerged on Friday to flaunt her massive hips and ample breasts, an invitation to a Chef's Table of imaginary Pizza that incorporated the flavors of Chris Bianco, Gabriele Bonci, Ann Kim, Franco Pepe, Yoshihiro Imai and Sarah Minnick into a bottle of Alfonso Light brandy and plastic packs of chicharon baboy.

Saturday came with a plea that Somebody Feed Phil with 6 courses of sandwiches from Philadelpia and Chile, a Coatian seafood smorgasbord, Tex-Mex cuisine from Austin and an array of Nashville fried chicken which tasted like barbecued pork, balingit and chicken feet that were embalmed in half a bottle of Johnny Walker Black.

For 6 days, the Phantom Biker chased an Ancient Apocalypse that emerged from the ancient terraces of Gunung Padang after centuries of confinement at the Great Pyramid of Cholula, both briefly feeding on egg caldo, goto and arroz caldo at Ggantija before time trialing underwater through Bimini Road until Gobekli Tepe where they fueled on pansit kanin and pinapaitan before scaling the Serpent Mound and going underground at Derinkuyu for a pulsating finish at the Channeled Scablands where they were refreshed with classic Pinoy streetfood fare, a feat celebrated by the gigolos of Bakal 2 with adobo at dinuguang bibe, nilagang mani, pansit canton and Red Horse extra strong beer.

OUR RESERVATIONS

It's All Quite on the Western Front when A Serious Man walked into the PAL ticketing office at Eton Centris where Enola Holmes II awaits with a flight booking to Singapore and from Kuala Lumpur that was paid with the equivalent of crispy tawilis, crispy pata, inihaw na pusit plus two buckets of cold San Miguel Beer from the Ihaw Balot Plaza, 5 hours before the rooms at Hotel Calmo Chinatown and Hotel Armada Petaling Jaya were secured and one day before a delayed birthday celebration of litsong manok, tinumis, nilagang mani and cold Red Horse beer in Bakal 2.   

But there are still No Reservations for crossing the Johor-Singapore Causeway and exploring Universal Studios as the last season concluded with Barrack Obama sharing a Sunday meal of carne asada, lechon, pho and Dungeness crab with Marco Polo, Ferdinand Magellan, John Lennon, Giuseppe Garibaldi and Evel Knievel while Nipuna danced to Victor Jara's music as the Bills, Orioles and Red Wings engaged in a royal rumble with Pare Edgar.    

Meanwhile, the Phantom Biker collected three more palmares and three nights of instant gising-gising, a fruit platter and a spread of lechong manok, pork barbecue and inihaw na hito in fond remembrance of Mr. True Man who once upon a time smeared cake icing on everybody's forehead...   

MY RESERVATIONS

One cold morning, a flicker of flame from Kuya Romy's match lighted Manong Ed's cigar to briefly reveal the silhouette of the Phantom Biker walking through The Great Wall from Beijing on his way to bring an umbrella for his wife at Victoria Peak in Hong Kong and have lunch with Ate Alice at the Les Invalides in Paris while a naked Halle Berry watch Tiago and Lucas negotiate Singapore's Merlion for a span of the Berlin Wall, Reese Witherspoon's bikini a piece of Monica Bellucci's underarm hair, a pack of cold San Miguel Beer and bony kalderetang bibe, and two chilled bottles of Eaglehawk cabernet sauvignon with oily bits of kapukang baboy. 

But the Phantom Biker have No Reservations stroking G's wetness while watching Harry Potter flirt with Aphrodite, the ghost of the French Quarter in New Orleans that lured Bong, Grace Jones, Kuyang Uben and Miss Roy to the mysterious Patuxai Monument of Vientianne where Paula danced the rumba with Prince Mohammed bin Salman and El Pepe, the salsa with Kuya Rudy and Bagis John, and the tango with the delegates of COP 27 who all afterwards rushed to the House of the Temple in Washington DC for a refreshment of Alfonso light brandy and plastic packets of stale peanuts.  

Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday were the Phantom Biker's reservations for the Barbarians of Rotterdam at the Doll House where the MILF of Bakal 2 kept invading the bike trails with a long wet rub that slipped in anyway to trigger a huge volcanic eruption and creampie the much improved Seasons 3 and 4 of an unattended hole, or so he thinks while nursing two bottles of inihaw na balingit-flavored Red Horse extra strong beer.