THE FIRST JAB

It took a blowjob to unleash the Army of the Dead upon Las Vegas as the pandemic broke out from Mexico City where the Lazcanos crumpled in the onslaught of Marifer's vengeance who remained clueless that it was Nicandro Who Killed Sara and not The Girl From Nowhere whose own Season 2 unleashed salacious memories of "I" reading porn while pleasuring herself in the balcony, "V" impregnated by the man who came through the jackfruit tree, Teacher J probably felt and tongued.

It turned out that the girls from Bangkok were infected too so Minnie, JennyX and Junko were summoned to exorcise the virus out of Wendy James who declared "I Am All Girls!" which pissed Nanno and Yuri who could have skewered her with a dance pole if not for the intervention of Johannesburg's vigilante cops who also ordered the Phantom Biker to Strip Down, Rise Up and get his first Covid vaccine after prepping on kalderetang kambing, fried chicken wings, sinampalukang manok, boiled peanuts and super cold Red Horse beer on Thursday night.

At the 104th Giro, The Next Three Days (with the exception of Stradella) after the conquest of Passo Giau saw Egan Bernal faltering in the slopes of Sega di Ala and Alpe di Mera before dropping the peloton at Valle Spluga-Alpe Motta to crown himself campione in Milan as the Brennans fled Pittsburgh for Caracas where they joined the Phantom Biker for a 1,380-kilometer bike ride to the Salt Cathedral of Zipaquira. 

DANCE OF THE 49

She was the apparition that survived the Ghost Wars of Port Moore, the third party in a double threesome with a scientist and a smuggler and the sultry bartender and her nerdy partner.   

She is the Things Heard and Seen, George's paramour from the stables of Chosen, Catherine's revenge sex in the backyard, and The Debt that Rachel Singer finally collected in a Kiev assylum.

She passed by on Thursday night, her flimsy striped duster dress caressing the chicharong baboy, daing na bangus and inihaw na hito of the round table while emitting whiffs of androstenol from her tight flowered boxer shorts where heaven's gate is on hiatus, untouched for years now except by her own hands and wild fantasies.   

Then came The Woman in the Window whose 49th birthday in Bakal 2 was celebrated with a Dance of the 41 by an agoraphobic psychologist with a gay legislator in New York and by the president's daughter and a serial killer in Mexico for the prize of arroz caldo, tokwa't baboy and putong puti. 

But the Phantom Biker don't dance so for her 49th, he asked Egan Bernal to summon Calypso in the dirt roads to Montalcino and tango up the steep gradient of the Zoncolan, Remco Evenepoel dropped in the ride for free range chicken in San Jose, Simon Yates overtaken in the Munoz-Lupao-San Jose circuit, the Phantom Biker wondering how modest and well behaved is the Greek princess in her horny moments, the liquid fire of a Johnny Walker XR numbing the insecurities of a precarious Tuesday in the time of the world's longest quarantine...    

NANNO'S LEGACY (Season 1)

Only the eerie midnight mountain sounds of Bangaan were awake when she crept into his room and impaled herself into his pre-pee hardness, a vengeful explosion of feminine cum atoning for a snub at the Banaue market, warm like M's salacious mouth sucking his sanity in the university bleachers, jealously wet like the juices of a spurned Miss Barnacles but wafting of innocence from the genius of Tarlac as dark fantasies of Adelaide and H were scrawled in the wonderwall of a kleptomaniac and the diary of a dream catcher, Miss A's spinstership foretold by the pungence of a failed beauty queen's pussy as she was peeing in San Jose City. 

The Girl from Nowhere was Uncorked as the master sommelier who recommended ice cold beer for Tuesday's dinakdakan, kinilaw na baka and boiled peanuts; a listing of Red Horse and pineapple juice to go with Thursday's inihaw na bangus and piattos; and a master plate of bland sopas for the community pantry in Baloc and assorted pork barbecue (laman, atay, isaw, balingit) for the fellowship of the Amaranth in Maligaya.

Through it all, the Phantom Biker lurked in the sidelines of the Giro d'Italia where his Confidential Assignment to possess Egan Bernal with a mountain biker's spirit was accomplished with the conquest of Campo Felice's graveled slopes, the maglia rosa claimed to honor Jupiter's Legacy, a portion of Ilog Baliwag explored, the Eagle's Nest still closed at 6:30 in the morning, vaccines and deaths dominating a scary week...

THE CUMMING OF COMMUNITY PANTRIES

I regret indulging Alina Starkov because it turned out that Ravka, both east and west of it, is empty and dry like Shadow and Bone, like Centerville where The Dead Don't Die, where Chief Cliff Robertson got lost in translation with Charlotte who sucked him like the brown bunny of Officer Mindy Morrison as Friends gather for beer, lechong kawali and fried chicken in Maligaya after a nephrolithotripsy, a filangee grounding the plane to Paris, a curtain call of Red Horse, daing na bangus and fried tilapia ushering the arrival of the community pantry in Bakal 2. 

Susumu Nokoshi is a Homunculus and a recipient of the community pantry in Shinjuku, so is The Soul of Liang Wen-Chao that manifest as Li Yan's thick pussy hair in Taipei 2032, the Phantom Biker braving the hell of summer in the time of the world's longest quarantine to Sexify the endowed and immodest Natalia on Tuesday, God-seeing Paulina on Wednesday, and horny but bitter Monika on Thursday, the peloton arriving  in Malhao and Kigali after YouTubing through the Karakoram Highway for a race to Shangri-la and Kashmir that culminated in Assissi while 584 kilometers away, layers of prosciutto and wheels of pecorino were served at the 104th Giro's community pantry in Turin as flashes of Delft Blue and Transylvania black punctuated a river of golden Riesling flowing through storybook Germany while microwaved chopsuey, seafood spaghetti, lumpiang sariwa and potato salad from a neighbor's pantry nourished the clan's delegation from Pozzorubio.

18+

You were not named after Pope John Paul because "Juan" means "fight for right" and Pablo Neruda is my poet laureate. 

You can now get a tattoo, marry, own property, watch 18+ movies and stand for election.

Remember though that the number 8 in "18" is like a coiled snake biting its tail, cunning and deceitful like Charles Sobhraj of Kanit House, treacherous like The Serpent that hugged the steep curves of the Estavayer Circuit and the slippery slopes of Thyon.

It was in Season 8 that Rachel got fertilized by Ross after a Tuesday special of crispy pata, tokwa't baboy, fried chicken wings and San Migue Pale Pilsen at Kuya Paeng's place, the night before Season 9 when Rachel yearned for Joey's dick and you turned 18 too with a pot of kalderetang baka, a rack of inihaw na liempo, a vat of fried chicken, and cases of black beer (Tiger) and whiskey (Johnny Walker). 

But Who Killed Sara? 

It ain't Cesar who was having his way with Rodolfo's girlfriend and wife, not Clara who was so into Chema and Lorenzo's anal show, so it must be Elroy and the incestuous Mariana whom Alex and Elisa should slap with an 18+ for those assembled in Baloc in the time of the quarantine. 

The Phanthom Biker time trialed to the podium in Fribourg in honor of Vincenzo who will be competing in the 104th edition of the Giro d'Italia after Episode 20 --- Myung-hee reduced to a charcoal, Han-seok exsanguinated, the fate of the gold bars unknown, Cha-young tounged but not fucked.