FESTIVE FOOD AND CRIME SCENES

On the last hour of his unexpected election as the president of Italy, Peppino decreed that Abimael Guzman must lead Carlos and Gabriela to the Sendero Luminoso so Janis can join them in preparing tang yuan for a Winter Solstice Festival in Lima, a courageous act that was thwarted by an injunction from Judge Wakefield because Javier fell in love with Agent Montel who was caught in traffic while delivering Helena's packages of moru and yella sappadu for the simultaneous Thaipusam Festivals in Cincinnati, Tijuana and San Diego while in Sitio Cumabol, the mistahs celebrated a birthday with whiskey, pinispisan, kinilaw, litson and maja blanca.



The breaks never went ex-Inspector Peeters' way, neither was Claudine able to extort a cunnilingus from Dany Bastin who had Clement and Sophie for a threesome, Jasmina clueless that her abstinence has been offered as a gift for the Jade Emperor's birthday to go with the roasted pig and nyonya cakes from Musso while in Bakal 2, the Phantom Bikers carried doushi, pengat and a banner that proclaims "Welcome Mr. President!" for the Lantern Festival.

BREAKFAST, LUNCH & DINNER (and drinks)

Even Stockholm's meticulous Polismyndigheten were not able to discern that tagine is not food but the pot where food is served in Marrakech, either for breakfast, lunch or dinner except for the roasted lamb that would perfectly complement our Friday nights of light brandy and strong whiskey, our ticket to the quicksands where Sebastian and Samir roasted Maja alive over a bonfire of chairs from Djursholm's bloodstained classroom.

Pancakes, fries, burgers and fried rice from Los Angeles could be our breakfast but the inexperience of Heiderfeld's Police Federale got the wrong suspects because it was the spurned Ines who murdered Driss for his love of Brigitte, Inspector Yoann Peeters breaking the case on why dimsum, roasted pork and somosa were served for lunch in Vancouver. 

Gordon Ramsay acts like he's living on methamphetamines and I too is bored by David Chang but I owe him for Phnom Penh where dinner and beer could have been at the Foreign Correspondent's Club, and for Kate MacKinnon's appreciation of moringa soup, "The best part of travelling is eating" she said and the Phantom Bikers who conclude each ride in the trails with arroz caldo, goto or egg caldo totally agree.

KINGS, KITCHENS AND BIRTHDAYS

Andri was king of the skies in Greenland before migrating to Iceland, moving there after dropping Walter Mitty into the North Sea and settling in Siglufjorour where he ruled as chief of the Logreglan.

He could have arrested Guoni (Season 1) and Stefan (Season 2) before Episodes 10 if not for the distraction of investigating whether the Tibetan thukpa from Himachal Pradesh is indeed the origin of pasta which is the centerpiece of Filipino birthdays although not for Manuel whose kitchen served ginataang suso to pair with Carlos's inihaw na bangus and Eduardo's pinispisan.

I met Michal Trela in Poland in the aftermath of COP 19's battle for those who are lost and damaged, years before he sobered up from krupnik and settling in Sowie Doly as king of the policja who thought that Banaras and Allahabad are one and the same cities whose royal kitchens created the sattvik, rajasic and tamasik .

Yes, the maharajas once ruled India where royal chefs prepared birthday feasts of dum biryani from Lucknow, bisi bele bath from Mysore and pandi curry from Coorg, a simple combo of avial and putto from Kerala, and Gujarat's thali for those who don't eat meat.

We are the kings of the trails and we burn birthday calories!