BIYAK 2

I am the rockstar of food crawls and train trips, a direct descendant of the Witcher 2 who searched the bike trails of Munoz for The Lost City of Machu Picchu from Monday until Thursday.

But the city was gone forever so we covertly took off from Bakal 2 in the early hours of Friday with two sacks of rice and three luggages for the train from Quezon Avenue to Boni and from there, found a phone in the car seat during our Grab ride to Hop Inn-Makati where the taxi that picked us made a wrong turn before finding our way to the ancient treasures of the Ayala Museum and a close up audience with Juan Luna who can only utter "Hymen, oh Hymenee" upon seeing us. 

But no, Barbecue Showdown 2 will not be at Japan Town because Ramen Nagi and the sui gyoza is served with soup, the chicken karage and pork tonkatsu must be fried, and the Sesame Q should be fresh, unlike in Poblacion where Hott Asia had the meat burned and the beer chilled.

We had a meeting with Atty. Rowena Ramos the next day who opined that our pricey coffee and ham sandwich breakfast at the Salcedo Saturday Market is not An Affair to Forget, neither is our Quezon Avenue-Quezon Avenue train experience via Taft, Central Station, Carriedo, Roosevelt and North Avenue.

The same applies for the electric bike ride to Binondo from the National Museum of Anthropology where the Ciencia Gallery is currently on display, the late lunch of Ang Tunay Beef House's pancit canton and lechong kawali in lieu of the long line at the Toho Panciteria Antigua, and a bus carousel experience to Trinoma.  

With that, we've got to stay at the Luxent Hotel that is many times more luxurious than Hop Inn and we've got Home Service although no one responded to our request for assistance in using the TV remote so Balong worked the gym instead to disturb the Stillwater of the Vertigo Roof Deck Pool while wrestling with a giant platter of beef tacos.  

Finally, the igado, lechon cebu and pinapaitang kambing beckoned from the food stalls of the SIDCOR Monday Market before we parted ways: me to to NAIA Terminal 1, Nanay and Balong to the Five Star bus station, and Bulan to his shared room at Pioneer Woodlands.

Almost 8 hours later, PR 736 touched down at the Suvarnabhumi International Airport for another train ride to Phaya Thai and Asoke.

Ganyan namin biniyak ang nagdaang linggo --- probinsiya at lungsod, Hop Inn at Luxent, Salcedo at SIDCOR, Manila at Bangkok ayon sa talambuhay ng magkapatid na Samantha at Violet.

HUGOT 2

This week is all about Food Tales but not about Singapore's GastroBeats.

Monday's adobong bibe smelled like a freshly bathed MILF while Tuesday's sinampalukang native na manok tasted of her sweat.

There was also the Unknown but not The Lost Pyramid of Huni. 

Wednesday's ginataang pangat na hito was an Extraction 2 from the previous day, and the sisig that followed on Friday was for the AFAM who is not.

I am a Roadrunner on two wheels and not A Film About Anthony Bourdain.

Six days on Disney+'s magic bike eluded the rains, enough to see Ancient China from Above and decode the Secrets of Christ's Tomb.

I am Chasing the Equinox but not those gone forever.

The Lost Tomb of Alexander the Great was among the Lost Treasures of the Maya in the Lost Temple of the Inca.

Malutong ang chicharon n'ung linggo na premyo sana nina Azi Acosta at Tina sa liga ng basketball sa Palayan kung hindi naligaw ang Bugaw sa Sitio Diablo!

BALER

The waves of Sabang Beach were muted and the guitarman at Taste Budzz mimed his music as Petite J made a man out of the boy from Bakal 2 in the early hours of Sunday.      

This after a 20-year-old meat was auctioned in Baler for P3,000 which is cheap compared to the P3,890 price of Johnny's un-aged porterhouse steak with black peppercorn sauce that came with free baked mussels from Music 21 Plaza's videoke package. 

Baler is indeed The Last Paradiso and Central Luzon's seafood capital although the sizzling tuna have to be sourced from Ihaw Balot Plaza, and it tasted like Cali Pizza instead of Andok's litson baka.

Baler is 268 kilometers away from The B Hotel's stuffy gym, its 3rd floor pool, and The Village of malls in Makati where the chagrin  of being late for the open hours of the Ayala Museum was soothed by a bowl of Ramen Nagi's spicy Butao King at the top floor of Glorietta 4.

It was Saturday at 4:30 am, the gaminess of Myka's adobong kambing and the sweetness of Supersam's Basque burnt cheesecake still lingering in our tongues when we embarked on a 6-hour JoyBus trip from Cubao to Baler where the sea tasted like the broth of Yolly's sinigang na ulo ng malasugue and dessert is ginataang pugita from Suklayin. 

I only had three biking days then two sleepless nights in a row but at least, Room 306 of Playa Azul Baler is complimentary, I chugged unlimited free beer and brandy, and I hope that someone did  use the condom from Bangkok. 

No Hard Feelings at all pero may naganap nga bang Himala sa Baler?  

THE APPENDIX

No, it's not simulated reality.

A fever broke through the guardians of the Black Knight to infiltrate connective tissues and inflame a small thin pouch that once repelled the invasion of microbes.

That blew off P189,966.02 not including the bus and taxi fares to 163 Epifanio de los Santos Avenue and two nights at Frederick's Apartelle; meals at Lydia's Lechon, Hot Kitchen, Cafe France, Wendy's and Kenny Rogers; two Angkas rides, a Grab trip and the cost of going home to Bakal 2.  

It was almost The Year I Started Masturbating said him, in the days of Us x Her who sat on a porn comics in Almaguer many years before then Miss Girl Friday popped his cherry at a decrepit hotel in San Jose, and many more years prior to a laparoscopy harvest of bile stones in Cabanatuan.

But at the end of the day, the world is more than the blue nurse's uniforms and the bright hospital lights but a Kaleidoscope of adobong bibe and kinilaw na tanigue one Saturday afternoon in Baloc, a few hours before the cycling/motorbiking diplomat dropped by for a beer.

There are Lust Stories to tell in the Summary Statement of Account from the masked lady behind the billing counter but right now, I can only recall a credit note of P146,785.83 on top of P8,000.00 for an assisting doctor and a P35,180.19 credit card payment.    

Tayuan ang pag-ahon sa mga akyatin at madalas sa kanan at walang Kaliwaan ang tatlong araw na pagpadyak sa mga ala-ala ng pinakamahusay na labi sa balat ng lupa, ang malanding kapitbahay, ang mga kinain at ang mga muntikan nang malagasan ng bulbol.

CASIGURAN

Dalawang oras matapos mamulutan sa Bakal 2 ng hilaw at tinortang gulay, sumundo ang maputlang driver upang ihatid ang mga Suki ng Sabado sa pinag-aawayang boundary ng Dinalungan at Casiguran.

Naganap ito dalawang oras matapos mag-almusal ang mga Hosto ng tapang baka at ensaladang pako sa kapitolyo ng Baler, at limang oras bago iginayak ang tinapang palos, pritong sawa at halabos na hipon sa baybayin ng Casiguran. 

Apat na oras matapos ang ika-2 ng hapon ay narating ng mga hinete ang tagong rantso sa Pantabangan matapos baybayin mula Casiguran ang kahabaan ng Dinadiawan white sand beach at mga pakiwalkiwal na akyatin ng Dicadi Highway patungo sa bayan ng Dipaculao at Maria Aurora.

Ilang bandehado ng kalderetang baka, adobong tupa, menudo at kilawing aso ang kanilang dinatnan subalit hindi naigayak ang tapang Kabayo, tinolang peacock at sinampalukang ostrich dahil ipinagbawal umano ito ng Star Dancer na siyang lead singer ng X-Deal 2 band mula sa Casiguran. 

Samantala, itinanghal si Julia Victoria na may pinakamalaki at pinakamagandang suso ng linggong nagdaan bagamat siya at 11 pang sumo wrestlers ay hindi nakalista sa Manifest ng Flight 828 mula sa Casiguran Airport.  

Lingguhang dialysis ang Sanctuary ng maputlang driver na naghatid sa amin sa Casiguran na ang katumbas ay apat na araw na solong karera sa mga lansangan ng Guimba, Lupao, Talugtug at San Jose City na umani ng gantimpalang mani at chicharong baboy...   

RELYEBO 2

In the Island of Desire, Queen Cleopatra ruled as The Woman King.

Doon, inilipad at pinalaya ng adobadong pakpak ng bibe ang litsong baboy na ginayat sa Baloc.

Si Amor nga ba ang ka-Relyebo ni Martha sa pagbebenta ng chicken Sandwich ni Pepita sa Cabiao?   

Nakakaumay na kasi si Angeli Khang kaya marahil Balik Taya na lamang ang madalas tamaan sa jueteng ng Isla Bato.

It is A Beautiful Life.

Parang litsong baka ng Andok's noong Miyerkules at Biyernes sa panahon ng Tag-init at ang makunat na iginayak sa Talavera n'ung Sabado. 

O kaya ay charcuterie board na pinalamutian ng ginataang suso ng Vivamax at adobong kambing mula sa pinilay na pulis.

Samantala, pinukaw ng biyuda sa buhay ang lansa ng dinakdakan sa Bakal 2 dahil Hilom na sa araw ang mga basang lansangan ng siklistang tulisan...  

SCORPIO NIGHTS 4

Tuwing hapon bumababa sa lupa si Purificacion upang litisin ang kalandian ni Karisma at pagyamanin ang alay na buro, pritong maya-maya, inihaw na liempo, sinampalukang manok tagalog at pansit canton apat na oras matapos idulot ni KP Marlon ang tsokolate mula sa New Zealand.   

Samantala, tinalo ni Pinay sa Pusoy si Boy Bastos sa burol ni KP Boy at sa Paupahan sa tapat kung saan tinipon ni Malong ang basyo ng Red Horse mula sa huling gabi ng lamay at ang mga mamahaling antigong alak na nakalkal ng mga hubad na diwata sa Virgin Forest ng Maynila.    

At mula Cebu ay sumakay sa Siklo si Selina upang takasan ang mga Hapon at magtago sa Bongabon kapalit ng bagong lutong pansit guisado, kinilaw na talaba at kambing na iginayak sa Rizal, at ang tupang nilitson ni KP Aztec sa Llanera.    

Ang Boso Dos ay kabuuang kaganapan ng mga paninilip, ng mga sinilip at ng mga nagpasilip na ang kahulugan sa wikang banyaga ay Tour de France Unchained in the bike trails of Munoz...

3 NIGHTS AND A DAY AT JL. SABANG

Kemang nights 

crowded streets, shitty hotels, Lotte Mart and Hooters long gone 

Menteng days

palatial houses, treelined roads, Novotel Cikini and a bike lane

But Jalan Sabang has been claimed by the Defender of the Truth.

A briefing

2.4 kilometers of afternoon prayers

goat satay, mutton soup, cold Bintang

Googled and misled to Sate Pak Heri

second best on the first night

A meeting

2.9 kilometers into a narrow alley
Nasi Goreng Kebon Sirih in a paper box

burning goat meat and cold beer for dessert

second night but still second best

The Secretariat

beef grilled in fried red chilli pepper

Blue Bird pelted with meatball rendang

nasi padang, burnt eggs, singed chicken skin
Grab motorbikes running on cold beer 

Hari Raya Pankasila 

blue berets and a blue bike at Monas

Sarinah's mural and photo bombers

meat skewered at Sate Lamongan Jaya Agung

the best there is on my last day

Subalit mas malinamnam pa rin ang pinispisang kambing noong Sabado at ang adobong salugabang n'ung Linggo bagamat  bahagyang matabang ang lasa dahil sa hindi inaasahang pagpanaw.

Kahapon ay naubos sa Pamasahe ang upa sa Serbis and Selina's Gold tasted like naked melons...