sCALPed

As the pandemic surged to the The End of the F***ing World, Akira teleported to Yorkshire to assist Scotland Yard in Catching Killers including The Fable and The Killer Whos Does Not Kill.   

There, he became Akio who groped Alyssa's tits in the beach while in Osaka, a double blowjob from Yoko Sato and Bonnie made James come in 6 seconds flat.   

And Oh, Ramona! Laura McAllan is the MILF in Bakal 2 who would soon fuck her cousin-in-law from Brasov as she-who-must-not-be-named transformed from Anemona into Mudbound Carla.  

In the ensuing Cook Off, Anesu offered sadza for the Men in Apron of Baloc to compliment a Harare-inspired menu of  T+F's pizza, salami, samgyeopsal, daing na bangus and reheated siomai.  

Thus is explained why salt rained in Pandacan to season Aguy's recipe of Pan de Salawal which sustained the Phantom Biker in 6 mornings of errands and adventure in the bike trails of Marietta.  

DAYS 603 TO 609

It took 1,001 nights to conceive The Beast of Bastille in the streets of Marseille whose memoir was narrated by Sheherazade in 1,000 stories that included seven episodes of The Women and the Murderer from the parking lots and apartments of Paris until Guy Georges was served the Red Notice in Monmartre by The Bishops and Madame le Prefet to abort a heist in The Louvre where Cleopatra bequeathed three bejewelled eggs from Massimo Bossetti of Brembati de Sopra as atonement for the death of Yara Gambirasio and to commemorate the resurrection of the Order of the Amaranth in Baloc.  

Maison Centrale Ensisheim is The Cabin in the Woods in Midtown Manhattan that is protected by the Guardians of the Wind from The Kitchen mafia and their 81 snakes whose mission is to expose Guy, Massimo and Kim Je-seok as one and the same Svaha with The Sixth Finger, a known connoisseur of The Whore's tits, The Virgin in her unforgettable panty scene, sluts like Claire Walsh, the scent of a freshly bathed MILF from Bakal 2, and sinful dinakdakan and crispy pata on Tuesday nights.  

As COP 26 concluded in Glasgow, The Phantom Biker wondered how haggis with curry sauce and stone crab claws from Miami tasted as he roamed the trails of Nueva Ecija and snacked on sandwiches with The Fabulous Filipino Brothers of Pittsburg after Insan Paner's interment, the frustration with Philam's Vitality app blunted with Friday's bland tokwa't baboy, the sweetness of Saturday's kalamay, and the surprising umami of tilapiang pinangat sa gata and niluyaang adobong manok...   

FUNERALS

They all returned to dust in November --- Ramon Arellano Felix was killed in a gunfight and inurned in Tijuana, El Senor de Los Cielos was interred at the Jardines del Humaya in Culiacan after a botched plastic surgery, Popeye died from a ricochet and returned to Logan Heights, Jakiri succumbed to Covid-19 and was entombed at St. Margareth Memorial Park, The Outcast was felled by aneurysm and buried at the Franciscan Memorial Garden, the Narcos series concluding in La Voz as reported by Andrea Nunez for Season 3. 

In Small Heath, the ghost of the Sicilian Mafia from New York City roused the Irish, the Scots, the Chinese, the Jews and the gypsies who fell from the murderous rampage of The Honorable Thomas Shelby to curse the Peaky Blinders with the betrayal of Michael Gray and the Wall Street Crash, the haunting of Grace permeating Seasons 4-5 to plague Dr. Audrey Lim with PTSD from too much sex, Irish whiskey,  Sweet Aftons and 5 sleepless nights in Bakal 2.   

Lea and Shaun holed up at the Coronel Memorial Chapel for their daughter's wake and were feted by the Munoz Bodies with a Grey Goose Vodka and baby back ribs, by the Amaranths with Alfonso Brandy and crispy pata, by the Blue Lodge with cold beer and dinakdakan; Season 4 ending with a panty garter tug from The Good Doctor while the MILF from Bakal 2 wrapped up Episodes 11-20 with imagined hard nipples protruding through a black satin tank top.     

Through it all, The Phantom Biker rode across the bike trails of Nueva Ecija fueled by a strength potion Found in parts by Lily at the Cathedral of Our Lady of Perpetual Help in Oklahoma City, by Chloe at Temple Beth Israel in Phoenix, and by Sadie at the Cornerstone Church in Nashville that was enough to power him, Bulan and Balong for a Sunday walk through the orphanages of Guangdong.