PANSIT SA PANAHON NG BAGYO, LINDOL, AT ELEKSIYON

Oktubre 14

Kahit papa'no ay hinimas ng bagong lutong miswa na iginisa sa patola at tinadtad na karneng baboy ang pagkagitla sa lakas ng hampas ng Bagyong Maring na bumunot sa mga matatandang puno ng akasya sa highway, tumumba sa mga sementong poste ng NEECO at CELCOR, at tumangay sa mga bubong ng mga barong-barong at magagarang bahay sa Cabanatuan.

Oktubre 16

Nakatulong ng bahagya ang paghigop ng mainit na mami na binili sa kanto upang unawain kung ang Diyos nga ba ang may akda sa lindol na tuluyang gumupo sa mga simbahan ng Dauis, Baclayon, Loboc, Maribojoc, Loon, at Loay sa Bohol.

Oktubre 28

Nakagigimbal ang panunuyo ng mga kandidato sa mga botante sa pamamagitan ng pamimigay ng ilang supot na Payless at isang kilo ng bigas na lasang putang-ina...

BABALA: Ang pansit sa itaas ay kasama sa handaan sa pagdiriwang ni Kuya Serge ng kanyang kaarawan at walang kinalalaman sa bagyo, lindol, at eleksiyon.    

ODE TO BOHOL

Just like that…

[I had it planned / to escape on a rented van // chase the road to Loon / a pit stop in Maribojoc // perhaps a glimpse of Loay too / even Dimiao as an afterthought // but later I said / much to my regret…]

...and a brutal self-flagellation.

FOOTNOTE: Photos of the colonial churches in Dauis, Baclayon, and Loboc were all taken between July 15-16, 2013.

ORION'S BELT

Once upon a time, tiny aliens from the Arquillian Galaxy came to Udyong to escape from an invasion of giant cockroaches. 

They first disguised as white friars to intimidate the natives and hid the treasure of their galaxy in the hollow of wood beams shaped into a cross.

In what is now Abucay, they re-established their kingdom and built a giant castle which today is known as the church of St. Dominic de Guzman who was actually their first king on earth.

But the earth's air was deadly for the lung-less Arquillians who eventually found refuge beneath the salty waters of Manila Bay where they morphed into various forms of sea species which fishers now catch and smoke into that famous Bataan tinapa and tuyo.

They built another castle in Udyong --- today known as the church of St. Michael the Archangel who was the Arquillian king at that time --- and moved there the treasure hidden in the cross at Abucay which is actually a set of tiny stars stitched into a belt that was smuggled into earth as the collar of a cat called Orion.

When the cat died while protecting the treasure from the giant cockroaches who finally found the Arquillian colony on earth, Udyong was renamed Orion in its honor and the treasure moved to a fortress built in present day Orani where it remains hidden until today in the necklace of its custodian who is known as the Nuestra Senora Virgen del Santo Rosario...